I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
