Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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