Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
