definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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