Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
