You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
