Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Randomize
