five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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