I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I stole a fireplace last night.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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