SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize