What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
