We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
