I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Randomize
