I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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