i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize