I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
