I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
