did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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