I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
My breasts were aching with rage.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
