all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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