you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
