only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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