So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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