I will die if light touches me.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
