I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
two words: eviction party
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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