You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
