If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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