and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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