I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
