My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
