i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
