i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
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