Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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