She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
he fucked my hip out of place.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
