if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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