i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
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