She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
