i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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