the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
just tell him i said nine months
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
that is very illegal...i love you.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
