guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
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