Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
