The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
