His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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