you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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