Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
