I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
BRING THE BAGELS
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
