That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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