theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
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