I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
