Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize