she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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