Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
