He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
