I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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