i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
