I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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