Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
