you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
