Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
