I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
