Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
