i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I just want nice things and good sex
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
