ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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