My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
