so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize