I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
