He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
