That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
