Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
