Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
