get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
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