So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize