I want you more than these girls want KFC
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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